Life with a boomerang baby (Page 2 of 2)

Rule No. 1: Be clear

    Whether you are elated or deflated about an adult son or daughter moving back home, be sure to have a conversation with your new boarder about the situation. To get you started, here are some pointers.

    Determine how long your child plans to stay. Don't leave it open-ended; otherwise, Junior will be 37 years old and still handing you his laundry.

    Don't put your own finances in jeopardy. Think about the words of the flight attendant instructing passengers on emergency procedures before tending to their children. No matter how often I hear this advice, I squirm. How can I take care of myself first? That's not what a parent is supposed to do. And yet it is exactly what you must do. If you fail to secure your retirement because you are enabling your spendthrift son to wear you down financially, you both could end up gasping for air.

    Ask for some help paying household expenses. Unless your son or daughter is paying off some heavy debts or has a specific savings goal, such as buying a home, I think every able-bodied adult bringing home a paycheck should contribute monetarily.

    Establish consequences if your child doesn't honor your agreement. My friend's son moved back home and agreed to pay rent, but he was always late. So his mother began charging him a $25 late fee. He started paying his rent on time. That may seem excessive, but good bill-paying habits have to start somewhere.

    Don't let your child get too comfortable. You're a mama - or a dad - not a maid. Your child should be required to help with household chores. Don't allow your home to be used as a hotel.

    Be careful about cosigning. Actually, I recommend that don't do it at all. I can't tell you how many stories I hear of parents cosigning for their adult children, only to be left with outrageous bills to pay. If you cosign for a loan or credit card, that means you are agreeing to pay the entire debt if the primary borrower doesn't make the payments. If your child cannot or will not pay his loan or credit-card bill, that bad debt will be reported on your credit report too. Cosigning may also limit the amount you can borrow in the future.

    Trust, but verify. If your daughter says she is coming back to pay off bills or save, make sure she keeps to that plan. If you notice too many weekend shopping sprees, renegotiate the living arrangement. Don't be suckered by your own kid. The ultimate goal should be to help your children become responsible, self-sufficient adults.

    Put all agreements into writing. I know this is your baby, but in many cases the living situation should be treated like a business arrangement. Writing it down shows just how serious you are. If you see something going on that you don't like (shopping sprees, shoes under the bed), don't be afraid to amend the rental contract.

    If putting your agreement in writing seems too heartless or businesslike and not warm and cozy like a mommy and daddy should be, at least have a conversation about the living arrangement. Get all expectations - yours and your child's - out in the open.

    It's fine by me if you never want your son or daughter to leave home, and everybody is happy. But if you had plans for your senior years that didn't involve picking up behind some disrespectful, slothful adult child, take control of the situation; otherwise, your boomerang baby may never leave the homestead.

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