Three women, three ways to deal with a husband's infidelity
Scary but true: About one in five men commit adultery, according to
the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago.
And while you might like to think you'd dump your husband if you
caught him fooling around, don't be so sure. These three women dealt
with their spouses' betrayals in surprisingly different ways.
"Our marriage is stronger for it."
Vicki, 36 (Names have been changed)
Married eight years
One evening when I got home, I was shocked to hear a voice-mail
message for my husband, Gaylen, from a girl named Cameron,* saying,
"Looking forward to seeing you tonight." Remembering that Gaylen had
spoken of a Cameron who worked with him at the grocery store, I
instantly felt red-hot all over. For the next three hours I vented
to my sister, mother and other family members on the phone. When
Gaylen pulled into the driveway, I told him Cameron had called.
Stammering, he tried to come up with an excuse, but he knew it was
useless. I was so angry; I confess I totally lost control. I took
the phone and hit him on the side of his head so hard he lost the
hearing in that ear for six months. After his diagnosis days later,
I felt horrible. But that night my only concern was hurting him as
much as he'd hurt me.
Later Gaylen admitted that he and Cameron had had sex in his truck
-- but that it was the only time and that he felt so bad about it
afterward, he pulled over on his way home and threw up. Although I
was relieved it was a onetime fling, I told him I couldn't forgive
him, at least not yet.
The next day I found Cameron's number and called her to give her a
piece of my mind. To my surprise, she told me that if I had
satisfied my husband sexually he never would have strayed. I hate to
admit it, but she hit a nerve: Gaylen's and my sex life had become
almost nonexistent. Was she right? Later that day I realized that I
was partly to blame for this situation. The eldest of my four kids,
who was from my first marriage, had never gotten along with Gaylen.
Often I'd side with my son, making Gaylen feel like an outsider in
his own home. But instead of talking over these issues, we'd each
turn to our own friends and family for support. That evening Gaylen
and I agreed we had too much going for us to divorce.
Nonetheless, I needed to know what Cameron looked like, and one day
I drove to the store with our then 2-year-old daughter. While I now
regret exposing her to my marital problems, I was so dead-set on our
appearing like an adorable wife and daughter that I dressed her up
meticulously.
When I saw Cameron's name tag, I was surprised and relieved to
discover she was short and big-chested -- not at all his type.
Still, I was crushed. Seeing her made the whole thing real.
You can imagine Gaylen's face when he walked out to find the two of
us arguing, with customers looking on and my daughter yelling,
"Daddy! Daddy!" While he was angry that I'd made a scene, he knew
that he'd have to put up with my crap for a while.
Gaylen paid for that one-night stand for a long time. For months I
checked his cell-phone bills for suspicious calls. I demanded that
he sell the truck, because it made me feel sick every time I saw our
kids in the backseat, where Gaylen and Cameron had had sex. Now, six
years after I heard that devastating voice-mail message, I see the
affair as a wake-up call. A rift had grown between us. Whenever we
had free time, we spent it apart. That's why we decided to start
having date nights. We'd been living together, but alone, for so
long that it really felt as if we were getting to know each other
all over again. And our marriage is much, much better.
Continued
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