Page 2 of 2 The New Sex Game He'll Love

"Hank and I most often bet for oral sex, but we always designate a specific time-length for it," Helen told me a few weeks after the Chiefs-Steelers game, once I had started down the primrose path and wanted more advice. "That time-length might be 30 minutes -- which, obviously, can be a challenge for both participants. Or you bet on a second game for double or nothing, and end up with an hour-long session. Let me tell you, this requires a certain level of creativity in execution."

I've learned a lot from Hank and Helen, creativity-wise. They once bet on a football game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Philadelphia Eagles. When the Eagles actually beat the Cowboys, Helen had to wear "whatever Hank said, wherever he said." His chosen outfit was a man's torn white oxford shirt with nothing on underneath it, black stockings and spike-heeled sandals, worn to a local diner for breakfast. "I don't think we made it home after the meal," reports Helen. "It was one of those 'in the car, in a parking lot' things."

Karen and Mitch, another couple who are in on the action, favor slavery. "For the chosen time period, the slave has to do whatever the master says," explains Karen, "whether it's sexual favors, cleaning out the attic, washing the floors in a bustier and garter belt -- which of course leads to sexual favors -- or whatever. You can send the loser for takeout, have him polish your toenails, even vacuum your car." My husband and I, shy at first about playing for any of the racier penalties, picked up on the slavery idea. But once he'd cleaned the garage after a World Series game and I had straightened his desk thanks to a bad showing by Tiger Woods, we mustered the nerve to move our enslavement to the bedroom.

When the University of Maryland basketball team lost to Duke, my slave found himself with this assignment: He had to tie me to the bedposts and devote 25 minutes to playing with my breasts while telling me a sexual fantasy that featured us as the main characters. (We both lived happily ever after.)

Surely by now you're ready to try it. Whether you want your medicine cabinet reorganized or your nipples teased with an ostrich feather, it's time to play ball. And you'll soon find out the truth of what Helen told me about this game the first time we talked about it: There really are no losers.

Suggested Penalties (ooh-la-la)
1. Need to be kneaded. The winner gets a full-body massage with oil. Do it like the professionals do: back, buttocks, legs and feet, chest and abdomen, arms, neck, scalp and face. Low lights, relaxing music a plus.

2. Feet first. The winner gets a foot soak in warm water spiked with bath salts or aromatherapy extracts, then a massage with lotion. Glass of wine optional.

3. The life. The loser prepares breakfast, lunch or dinner and serves the winner in bed. Waiter/waitress attire specified by winner. Hand-feeding optional.

4. Hooker's hydrotherapy. The loser gives the winner a bath and shampoo by candlelight, complete with music in the background and hot fluffy towels fresh from the dryer. Don't miss those hard-to-reach areas.

5. Prisoner of love. The winner gets to tie the loser to the bedposts in whatever attire or lack of attire he or she specifies. If you have no handcuffs or other high-tech apparatus, men's neckties work well for this purpose. From there, the winner's whims are in control, but it is best to lay out the plan in advance. Blindfold optional. Some may choose to reverse this one: Winner gets tied up and can either give loser instructions or enjoy the suspense.

6. Hank and Helen's mystery date. The loser has to wear whatever the winner says and go with the winner on whatever outing he or she specifies. This can be used either for titillation purposes (no underwear at the PTA meeting) or to get your partner to whatever movie, restaurant or cultural or sports event you've been trying to talk him/her into forever. Or both.

7. The late show. The loser has to rent an X-rated video to watch together. Popcorn will probably be unnecessary. If you can't bring yourself to go to the adult-video store, 9 1/2 Weeks is always a possibility.

8. Shopping spree. Loser must select and buy a sex toy, sex aid or lingerie item. Mail order is okay. This one can be modified so that the winner gets to choose the toy and the loser just has to use it, wear it or whatever.

9. Unrestricted access. The loser must be available to drop everything and have sex at the winner's request at any time during a preset period, usually a day, an evening or -- this is serious -- a whole weekend.

10. Fantasy story time. The loser has to tell the winner a sexual fantasy or story. Winner can specify guidelines, such as where the story is told and whether/where he or she would like to be caressed during the telling.

Continued
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